The beginning of Turmoil

Okay, so everyone. I've decided to begin my journey into the big ole career universe, haha great yeah? No, big ole fat no. Trying to get into the career i want is complicated. Especially when I want to become a writer! Ugh, everyone says it's so very hard. But, did i ever listen? Nope! But, when does Mackenzie Lynn Hollander listen to anything anyone tells her? Haha, but I don't care! I am going to be what i want when i'm older. So I have begun a writing journal, which came to me yesterday. I was looking up writing tips and found this website that told me fast and crazy writing helps perk up the ole imagination! So, I've been writing everyday. So really...only two days ;) Let's just say I'm going to be a busy bee! Because, i have to focus on school and writing and friends and deal with everything at once. How lovely yes? Oh my, I do hope I get to be what i want to! I recently got my braces taken off as well. Woohoo to that :D Im so happy.
Well here's what I've achieved in the last two days, go right ahead and read the nonsense i've conjured up!

Writing Journal Entry #1 050809
I need to begin writing or typing my dreams down, because they are probably going to give me my best ideas, I know that they would! I really wish I had more to write about because it bugs me that I don’t! I have writer’s block all the time it seems like and school is always up in my grill when I don’t! My English teacher won’t even assign writing things. I mean what’s up with that? I’m waiting for some inspiration to come out of this because, I got this tip from a published writer and she seems to know what she’s doing. I’m gonna spend 30 minutes everyday working on doing this, because I need to get OVER my writers block because its just sad! I need to not worry about my work being perfect too! Even now I’m backspacing and making sure my punctuation is right. Sad isn’t it? I need to just write how I feel and what I’m thinking okay here goes nothing. I feel like my heart has been crushed yet I’m floating on a cloud overlooking everything from above. I’m sick of watching people thrown their lives away so obscenely. I don’t know what that word means so I hope that was correct usage! I wish people could understand where I’m coming from. I may not have had as hard a life as them but I’m an empathetic person. I can think up very bad scenarios that others would never believe could happen. Like I almost decided to jog around the neighborhood in the mornings but than I thought of what could happen. Someone could be coming home drunk or high and be driving in their minivan; they’d see me and immediately go into game mode or think of something else and try to hit me. I’d be running and running but eventually they’d hit me with their car and I’d go flying in the air, skidded the ground with a hard thud. Then they’d probably roll over my body a few times and continue driving home as if nothing happened. Nobody would know about it because I wouldn’t have a phone or be able to contact anyone. I’d be dead and everyone would be clueless until I didn’t come home from school that particular day. Yes, it is pretty sad that I have such an overactive imagination. But its what keeps my dream of being a famous writer going! From day one I’ve known that my specialty will always and forever be in writing. I’ve written my entire life and been showered with compliments for my vocabulary and the way I include my life’s times. I hope that one-day far from now I can be able to make people see through my eyes and understand what ive gone through. I am a mature 14 years old, seeing as how I know what’s right and what’s wrong. I’ve never done pot, or smoked. The only bad thing I can admit doing without feeling regrets is alcohol. Because my mother was there and she said to try it. My mom has done nothing but teach me the right things to do in life and I have done nothing but listen. Sometimes peer pressure hits me like a wave but I avoid it as much as I can. I’ve never given in even during the hard times. I’m always trying to get my friends to understand what they are doing. Like sluts for instance? Some of my friends give their selves to any of their boyfriends and I tell them that men aren’t going to respect them. See, I am a person that won’t leave the house without two tank tops and a shirt on top of those! But that’s just me and im told that decent men respect that about a girl and are more willing to chase after her if she is modest. Because they’ve never see her actually naked they want to and then they begin to know her and it’s not all about the sex so they actually bond and connect together. I hope that the first boyfriend I have (actual relationship wise) will love me for who I am and not for who my friends are. Because some guys expect the person to be EXACTLY like their friends I mean seriously it’s so dumb! I am a person that is very difficult to read seeing as how I do tend to hide my real emotions. Even from people I love because, I don’t want them to pity me or remorse for me. I don’t like attention and never have or ever will. Because it basically means to me that they are looking for people to cry for them. To me I HATE that and think I should suffer by myself whether than have EVERYONE being sad for me and calling to tell me sorry. Because it just kills me when people do that I mean do you know what I mean? I hope that when im older I can teach my kids the things I have learned and just pray that they will know what to do. I want to be a mom very badly, seeing those little kids just puts a smile on my face. I don’t know im just drawn to them and they love me too! I love to baby-sit contrary to the normal teenager. Babies are my other specialty; I always try to make them laugh. Because babies laughing are music to my ears especially when they have an adorable laugh. If I had a list of baby names id use I’d have: Boys- Desmond, Josiah, Gabriel, Aiden, Raye, Girls-Maribelle, Cecilia, Basically names ending with belle HAH But yeah I could make stories with each of those names explaining their mannerisms and flaws and how they act. Which I think I will do because that would make an EXCELLENT writing exercise man why did it take so long to figure that out! Jeez well at least I have an assignment to do for tomorrow! So I’ll Just write short stories about 10 boy names and ten girl names, easy peasy lemon squeasy! Yayy now im excited maybe this will occur all the time when I write! Muahahaha
Writing Journal Entry #2 050909
Alrighty so the assignment from last entry is going pretty smoothly, probably not gonna be finished for about 2 weeks which is all good. Let’s see I’mm try writing about one of the names here kay? Anne Marie. I double checked in the mirror trying to make sure my makeup was even and ended up having to brush over again. I smiled at my reflection making sure there were no tidbits from lunch stuck in my teeth. Throwing my jacket on I finally decided it was time to go to school. Everyone commented on how I looked I just smiled and thanked them. I needed to get to the only reason I ever got pretty each day. Gabriel Knight, the most perfect boy in school. “Hey, Gabriel. Did you study for mid-term yet?” I asked casually, trying to hide how scared I actually was. “Oh, hey Marie, a little but, I’m not really prepared…why do you ask?” He said his green eyes glinting suspicion. “No specific reason other than maybe we could study together?” I said shrugging. He chuckled and looked at his feet. “Sure, we’ll meet at the library at fourish?” He proposed. “Perfect, see you then.” I said with a huge grin. I began walking away, to meet with my friends and tell them what just happened to me. “Ellen! Guess what just happened?” I squealed, giving her a hug. Ellen’s red orange eyes twinkled as she looked at Gabriel. “Your kidding me? You did it?” She said a hint of regret in her voice. I kept being happy hoping she would be happy too but, it didn’t work. “Something wrong with that?” I asked, my smile gone. “Oh, it’s nothing. I thought you wouldn’t do it seeing as how it was a dare.” She said with a roll of her fiery eyes. “Well, maybe that dare brought the courage I needed…” I muttered. Ellen’s eyes lit up with a devious light, her thin line briefly turned up. “So, you won’t mind if I join you two?” She said. “Oh, uhm…well.” I said, really not wanting her to come. “Oh thank you Marie! This will give me a chance to actually get good grades. We’ll have so much fun!” Ellen said with a huge hug before leaving. I was left speechless, she had just gained entry without even getting my approval. I sped to the bathroom, wondering what to do. Looking in the mirror my hair had gotten a little undid. I pinned it back up tighter then before and took a peek at the bathroom stalls. I heaved out a long sigh, no. I can’t go back to what I used to do because of her. She won’t get the best of me, I’m not going to do it. After a few minutes I had to force myself to leave and hurry to my next class. “Alright, class we will be studying the…” Mr. Roberson announced, as I texted people. “Hay, r u alrite with ellen comin to study group wit u?” Delilah texted me, I grimaced. She was one to talk, Ellen was probably sitting right next to her waiting for my reply. “O, yea. Im cool wit it y?” I texted back to her. “O, jw.” She texted back and then I decided to stop. Stuffing my phone in my bag before Mr. Roberson walked by my desk. He eyed me suspiciously but continued his lecture of why we should listen as to not become hobos living on the street. I put my head down and muttered under my breath. Why, Ellen. Why? Finally the bell rang and my day dragged on and on. Oh, if only it had dragged on just a little longer but, at 2:15pm the last bell rang. My mom picked me up, asking me how my day was. “Just perfect! Really!” I scoffed, folding my arms. She laughed, “You sound so happy about it.” I rolled my eyes concluding that she didn’t know anything. “Ellen is ruining my day.” My mom muttered under her breath. “All that girl does is cause trouble, what’d she do this time hun?” I sighed and explained everything. “Wait, hold up. You have a date with a cute boy?” She asked, getting excited. I laughed a little, “Well I would if Ellen wasn’t planning on making it hell…” She was pretty much quiet the rest of the drive home. I’m guessing she didn’t know what to tell me. I got primped and pretty for my study date and set off to the library. And low and behold Ellen was there already, sitting on the table flirting with him. Her golden hair perfectly done, eyes blazing with delight. I had always had jealousy for her beauty but, never, had I felt the need to kill her. “Hey, Ellen. Did you forget your books?” I asked subtly, setting my stuff down. “Oh my, I completely forgot. Hey, can I use some of yours?” She asked an evil flame ablaze in the center of her pupil. I smiled, “Oops, sorry. I need to use them. Hey Gabriel.” He looked happy to see me, my heart was fluttering in my stomach. “So, anyways Gabe. As you were saying?” Ellen interrupted my happy thoughts. Gabriel looked irritated. “Actually, Ellen this is me and Marie’s study time. If you don’t want to study I suggest you see you self out.” He said with a grimace. Ellen stopped dead in her tracks, she looked as if she’d been hit by a car. “A-a-alright…See you guys tomorrow…then…” Ellen stuttered, stomping out of the library in a huff. “So, Marie how have you been?” Gabriel asked, opening a social studies book. “Well, now that you’ve dealt with the one thing that’s been bothering me. I am very good.” I laughed. He joined me and we continued our date. LOL you loved that quicky story didn’t you haha. I didn’t! writing for me means I have to be LOVING what I’m working on. And that my friend was terrible! The cliché of it all. One day imma write a sad story where the bad guy wins, because sometimes things need a twist. You cannot have the good person win everytime its just BLEH GAY. So im gonna make a dastardly charming bad guy who gets everything he wants xD lol naww just jokes. Hmm, I hopped a fence today. Almost fell flat on my face For a pizza hut guy