Sitting down, the clouds of smoke head my way. I cover my face with my hands trying to stop it from coming into my lungs. Do I make you do this? Is it because I'm not a good child? You cry and run outside to puff that stupid short dead stick and all i can do is watch you kill yourself. Do you like making me sad? Have you ever thought of what it may be doing to me and the boys? Did you know that second hand kills first? Well If i die know that i love you. The only time your normally off the phone or not watching tv is when your out there. So what is my other option? Call you in the same room? I don't even know anymore...I just wish everyone would stop exaggerating their addiction. You know what, I'm pretty sure if i ever started i'd be able to stop! And, thats not a lie. What? You haven't learned from the past that i stick with whatever i put my mind to? Everyone doubts me! Pushes me down into the dirt. But, I move on. I keep my head held high and avoid bad things? So, WHY is it so freaking hard? If I can say no why can't you! I don't know what it will take to make everyone see that I am a determined person and can get through whatever i need to. It just irritates me when people are always like, "Ughh! I want it!" and whining like its gonna make a difference.
If I had my way I would make all the bad stuff in life dissappear so people wouldn't change. Maybe then I'd still be close to people i thought would be my friends for a long time..Drugs screw you up. Pot changes you into a different person. People change because of that gay stuff. I'm sick of it. Sick and tired. I hate listening to them talk about it, but if it's what they want in their life. I will always love them. They are my friends...they just are confused as to which path their on...maybe? I don't know. I just hope that if they do change again it's for the better. Even if it means i won't be their friend anymore, I will watch from a distance. Then I'll know for sure.
I love people even though they don't love me. I've already grown too fast so who's to say I can't take anything i put my mind to. I wanna live my life right. No matter how hard or tough I'm gonna get through this. There's bumps and turns i can crash on, but I'm doing my best to avoid them okay?
If you don't know what I'm going through, please just butt out. :P I can handle things on my own, I have for the past and I will for the future. I don't need sympathy, I just want good friends. And a happy life. I'm trying. Don't critisize me, or try to offend me because it won't work.
I'm doing the best anyone can. <3
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Kenzie
ReplyDeleteStay strong I know you are capable of being a good example for everyone around you including your own mother. I remember those days that you sometimes feel like you are the oldest person in the family. Remember if you ever need to talk I am still always willing and able to listen and give advise if you want it. I love and appreciate your uniqueness and wish you luck in your pursuits. LOVE YOU, Keep the faith. love your auntie.